Singlehood is a time of self-development and purpose discovery. Once an individual reaches a certain age, they become conscious of getting married. Some could become pressured by their family members to get married. Whichever is the case, biology has wired us for marriage. Unfortunately, many aren’t married for many reasons and are confused, asking why am I single. It gets even worse when most of our peers or friends are married.
The answer varies from person to person. Many are single for personal reasons. Some are not ready to get married. Some are single due to pain from past relationships. Others had terrible childhood experiences which skewed their chances of getting married.
Some of these circumstances were beyond our control, yet, we have the power to control how they affect our lives today. You are the product of your daily decisions and choices. The choices we make today determine our future. Your decisions will determine whether you remain single this year or not. This article seeks to answer the question “why am I single?” Let’s dive into the top 10 reasons why many remain single despite their efforts to get married.
Why Am I Single – 10 Reasons You May Not Get Married In 2023
According to Pew’s recent research, “There are 128 million unmarried American adults, and 25% of millennials are projected never to marry.” Many are singles nowadays. While seeking counseling, keep these painful truths or reasons for your continued single status in mind.
Why Am I Single #1 – Hurting Childhood Experiences
Growing up in a family where the mother is being abused or molested by the father or where the mother insults and treats the man as a trashcan makes a child build up some walls as a defensive mechanism in their relationships. Such people tend to be overprotective, reserved, and suspicious of everyone who cares for them.
This causes serious breaks in friendships and can ruin our relationships. A child may choose to remain single so they don’t have to go through what their parent did. The remedy is to renew your mind. Read books. I’ll recommend Christian literature that bothers on self-discovery. The likes of “Why you act the way you do” by Tim Lahaye
You’ve got to believe there are good people out there. Pay attention to how you treat others. Make up your mind never to transfer your past aggressions to people around you. Identify and sieve those hurtful emotions that make you treat others negatively.
Why Am I Single #2 – Fear Of Rejection
Fear of the unknown is usually what makes a lot of people single. While others are planning on how to move their relationships forward, a lot of people are battling with the fear of being rejected or hurt by the opposite gender. These fears might come as a result of personality disorders or past experiences.
Why am I still single?
You are single because you have chased away all your potential partners out of fear. Brace up. knowing that rejection is part of life. Go for what you want. Never fear rejection and mistakes. Your only fear should be that you never learned from them.
The greatest mistake a man can ever make is to be afraid of making one
Why Am I Single #3 – Unmet Checklist
When you have a long checklist of the types of men or women you want. Some will claim they desire a tall, rich young man or a fair, attractive woman with curves. Having such high expectations can cause one to lose a potential spouse. And you’ll keep passing over every decent person you meet because they didn’t fit all the criteria.
Don’t let your marital values be solely based on material possessions. Most of the items on your checklist might be temporary things that can vanish in a second. Though there are certain qualities we would like to find in a life partner, we should never put external standards before the intrinsic values of love, purpose, honesty, and mutual respect.
The question “Why am I single?” may be answered by looking in the mirror.
Why Am I Single #4 – You’ve Got High Expectations
When you have a checklist of expectations from your partner. You want them to behave, dress, or talk in a particular way. Some will even go so far as to use their partner’s flaws to guilt-trip them in the name of making them perfect. When you build up these false things, they tend to cause problems in your relationships.
Never go into a marriage expecting a lot from your partner. Approach the situation with the idea that you will help one another grow into better versions of yourselves.
Why Am I Single #5 – Not Ready For Marital Commitment
I have seen a lot of women choose to be single mothers. They don’t want to be committed to any man because they feel men are scum or can’t be trusted. Others have decided not to deal with either men or women. If you have this orientation, you will remain single unless you change it.
Some men on the other hand may not want to commit to marriage because of economic reasons. While some men are searching for the right woman, others aren’t sure if they are capable of providing for a partner. The present economic situation also contributes to delays in marriage. Data from the US Census Bureau confirms that the average age for marriage in 2020 was 30 for men and 28 for women.
Most men nowadays don’t marry until they are 30. While some attribute it to moral decadence, there is no doubt that economic factors play a role. The prices of things are going up. Many single men out there are homeless and can’t even afford a 3-square meal let alone catering for a partner.
You’ve got to put in extra work if you’re a single man in that situation. There are several businesses you can start right at your comfort. Build your income and develop yourself alongside. Soon you’ll find true love.
Why Am I Single #6 – Low Self-Esteem?
“I am too lean; I think I am too fat.” “Nobody finds me interesting,” “I’m not beautiful” “There are no good ones; you can’t trust men; no human can cope with me.” Eject these thoughts from your mind. Be positive because you are fearfully and wonderfully made.
When you begin to have limiting beliefs about yourself, you will tend to stay single for a longer time than you ever imagined. Because your attitude will begin to reflect defeat and in some cases, you may come off as being needy. Stay upbeat and resist thoughts that would diminish you.
Why Am I Single #7 – Poor Social Life
How can you connect with your soulmate if you are always indoors? To be honest, it’s not surprising that you’re not in a relationship given that your social life consists solely of Sunday services and classroom lectures.
You’ll have to make concessions if your personality is more suited to the indoors than the outdoors, as is the case with phlegmatic and melancholic types. There are chances that you will meet your soulmate at any of the events you attend. Go out, interact with people, and make friends. Don’t just resort to dating apps; connect with real people out there.
Why Am I Single #8 – Bad Character
Your character is your identity. It either keeps or scares people away from you.
Why am I single?
When you don’t start early to shed some shells (bad character), it can cause you some problems. It’s inevitable that your relationship habits will mirror those of your lonely childhood. Hence, a potential partner sees this and either runs away or quits the relationship if it’s already underway.
Work on yourself intentionally and commit to self-development. Books on building relationships and character development might help. the likes of “How to win friends and influence people” by Dale Carnegie, “Self Improvement 101” by John C. Maxwell, and “Be a People Person” by John C. Maxwell.
Why Am I Single #9 – Unhealed Wounds From Past Relationships
Don’t be too eager to jump into the next relationship if you have not healed completely from the last one. It can make you resentful or angry, causing a series of problems in your new relationship. Analyze your relationship with your EX. Identify the pain points and find ways around them so you can manage your new relationship better when you encounter such issues.
Why am I single?
The fact that Mr. A treated you badly does not mean Mr. B will do the same. Forgive yourself and others and move on with your life.
Why Am I Single #10 – Lack Of Standards
Though it is often said not to have a high checklist for relationships, it is essential to set standards for yourself. Not like you are dictating your man must have this or that (Which may not be bad). However, you’ve got to define your relationships. Position yourself to attract marriageable partners and not every dick and harry.
When you do not have standards, you accept anyone as a partner. You also tend to attract all kinds of people as friends. This will either make you end up in a toxic or wrong relationship. It can also cause you to be in relationships with people who are not ready to settle down. Know what you want and go for it the right way.
Why Am I Single – The Takeaway
Singlehood is not a curse, nor is it bad to be single. Find a way to enjoy it. As you keep working on yourself, try to ward off obstacles that can prevent you from getting married. Relate with people; don’t be a loner. Deal with your negative childhood experiences that have shaped the way you view marriage. They usually hunt you down and ruin your relationships.
Overall, be positive and optimistic. Keep evolving into the better version of yourself. Hopefully, you’ll soon attract the right person into your life.