A lot of questions have been asked about whether it is okay or normal to think about your ex, talk to your ex, or remain friends with your ex after you’ve been married.
A mutual friend of mine fell in love with a lady, and they were together for a while until she broke up with him because she had found someone else whom she loved more. ‘
The guy, obviously still in love with her and heartbroken, moves on after a while. Several years down the line, married with two kids, he bumped into his ex at the mall.
‘They smiled, exchanged pleasantries, and went their ways. But she began messaging him again (she still had his number). She had just left her last relationship and wanted him back. ‘
Her actions left him confused. Should he reconnect with his ex while married? Can it be a harmless relationship? Should he tell his wife about her? Would he be rekindling old flames?
The questions are numerous and mind-boggling.
Honestly, talking to an ex while married seems harmless, especially if your ex was an important part of your life, you had a genuine friendship, or you belonged to the same inner circle.
However, given that you might still have a history with your ex and harbor unresolved feelings, it seems risky.
In this article, we’re exploring what reconnecting with your ex while married says about you, the dangers involved, and how to go about it.
Reconnecting With An Ex While Married: How it Defines You
Talking with an ex while married and reconnecting with an ex while married are different things and should be addressed accordingly.
When a relationship ends, the two people involved are expected to go their separate ways, except in an instance where something is keeping them together, like a child being in the picture.
Moreso, reconnecting with an ex while married can be a bad idea or not. It says a lot about you, but that is left for you to decide and not anyone’s business to judge because circumstances play a role in people’s decisions.
1. You are leaving the door to your past open.
We’ve often heard of married people hooking up again with their exes. This is a result of not closing the door to your past.
Therefore, it becomes easy to rekindle old flames and go back to a relationship you have given up on. In this case, you’re not even up for the long term; it’s just a fling that would have been avoided if you didn’t act on your urges.
2. You are not yourself
Most spouses reconnect with their exes when they are not themselves. It may have been a moment of weakness, and they were not able to recover quickly, hence the reason they acted against better judgment.
3. You have second thoughts about your spouse
If a relationship or marriage is lacking in one area or another, one spouse may begin to have second thoughts about their relationship.
An ex coming into the picture presents a rare opportunity for more deep second thoughts where you might begin asking yourself, “Would you have made a mistake getting married? You wouldn’t have broken up with your ex,, and numerous other thoughts may perplex your mind.
4. You are curious
Some people just want to see how their exes are holding up. It may just be out of sheer curiosity that one sees the need to reconnect with an ex while married.
5. You are lonely
Loneliness may be another driving force for reconnecting with an ex. When one’s spouse is not always available in times of need, seeing an ex who loved them may trigger bittersweet memories.
Jumping ship and reconnecting with an ex would seem to be the easiest thing to do.
6. You are considering if the grass is greener on the other side
A few married people are filled with regrets after being married. They’d wish they ended up with an ex who was more accommodating, loving, and caring, such that when they see their ex again, they hope to reconnect immediately. They hope the grass is greener with their exes.
Reconnecting With An Ex While Married: 6 imminent dangers to look for
You should be aware that, despite the thrills of seeing your ex, the moment you allow second thoughts about an ex to cloud your mind, dangers are lurking around the corner.
Though you may not see any harm, you’re subconsciously setting yourself up for some kind of temptation, and the drama that would follow up would include:
1. Loss of self-worth
A lot of individuals tie respect to marriage, and if one is seen going out with an ex, especially in a town where everyone knows each other and words fly all around faster than fire, there would be repercussions in the form of whispers and gossip.
2. Impact on people around you
Reconnecting with one’s ex also has an impact on people around you. Pal shared his experience once after meeting with his ex at the mall.
This time, he was with his six-year-old daughter. His ex came over and hugged him, and his daughter kept asking him who she was.
She finally told her mom that Daddy met an old friend while picking her up from lessons. He was then forced to explain that he ran into his ex for the second time. Guess how his wife felt.
3. Second thoughts on your marriage and partner
Reconnecting with an ex you love and who loves you in return may trigger second thoughts about your marriage and spouse, especially if they are not as loving and attentive.
That’s why many people would advocate for not staying in a relationship where love is one-sided.
4. Extramaritalmarital Affairs
After reconnecting with an ex while married, this is one of the most inevitable acts. Originally, one does not plan to have an affair, but subsequently, the temptation may become too much and one will eventually succumb.
This mostly happens when there is a crack in the marriage or when one spouse has unresolved feelings towards an ex.
5. Stirring up old feelings
One may be completely over an ex, but reconnecting will stir up old feelings in such an ex,, who may even want to be left alone. In this case, the married person is seriously initiating the connection,, and the ex may start catching feelings again,, forgetting the fact that he or she is married.
7. Comparing an ex to a current partner
Reconnecting with one’s ex may force a person to appreciate the qualities of an ex in contrast to their spouses, especially in areas where a spouse is lacking.
A colleague who hasn’t gone out for ice cream since getting married bumped into her ex, and he proposed a chat over ice cream like she loved to do. It brought back old memories, and she stayed out later than normal, eating ice cream and having a good time.
She had no plans of returning to her ex, but she found herself scolding her husband when he asked why she stayed out late. She compared Hom to her ex, saying that since they got married, he’s not taken her out for ice cream; she missed it so much that she couldn’t refuse.
Reconnecting with your ex while married—what can you do about it?
I shared a story earlier about a mutual friend in such a situation. It eventually turned out that he was conflicted about reconnecting with her.
Though he didn’t see any harm in doing so, he decided he had lost his feelings for her and was married with kids. There was no reason whatsoever to cheat on his wife, so he took the easy way out.
Here’s what he did.
Be honest with your spouse
Remember, he was forced to tell his wife about it eventually? He came clean and told her the whole truth, asking if she was okay with it. It turns out she wasn’t. Being upfront and honest will clear doubts and give room for spousal trust.
Set clear boundaries
If you respect your spouse’s decision to steer clear, especially when your ex is a threat to your marriage, then you’d have to set boundaries. Even if your spouse is okay with you reconnecting with your ex, you still need boundaries to avoid temptations that may be lurking.
Reconnecting with an ex while married isn’t such a bad idea if there’s a solid reason behind it. Many people are good friends with their exes and won’t want to throw away their bond because they are married.
Others might have children for their exes, which would mean lifelong communication and connection.
On the other hand, some people have unresolved feelings towards their ex, so reconnecting may be a disaster and create problems in their marriage.
Everyone should do what’s right for them while taking into consideration the feelings of their spouses, children, friends,, and family members.