Feelings are bound to change for the better or worse. You could have someone head over heels with you today and tomorrow, he doesn’t seem to have any feelings for you anymore.
In a bid to secure the relationship and bring back the lost feelings, the other party may decide to apply the no contact rule which begs the question: will no contact work if he lost feelings?
If you focus on improving yourself, making more money, and building more social connections, then it’s likely that no contact rule will work even if he has lost feelings for you. That is because, becoming the better version of yourself makes you less needy and more attractive to a guy. He’s going to become jealous and wouldn’t like to lose you to another guy.
Let’s explore the no contact rule together, when it can be applied, and what to expect generally. Moreso, we’ll discuss what one can do if he lost feelings and he’s not coming back even with the “no contact” rule being observed.
Understanding the No Contact Rule
There are a lot of misconceptions to the no contact rule. The no contact rule is a widely used pattern in relationships. It involves temporarily ceasing all communication and avoiding contact with an ex-partner.
The no contact rule generally lasts between 30 and 60 days. Its primary purpose is to create space and promote personal growth, allowing both parties to heal and gain clarity about their relationship.
The no-contact concept is adapted from the popular saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder”. It is founded on the principle that when lovers and soulmates spend time apart, their love waxes stronger. Such feelings make them long to be back in their lover’s arms and take actions to revive their relationship.
According to research, under normal circumstances, the no-contact rule is believed to be helpful in healing and strengthening relationships. It provides individuals with the necessary time and space to sort through their thoughts and emotions, allowing for reflection.
One of the reasons why the no-contact rule can be effective can be linked to the psychological principle as described by D. Kahneman. It states that “the fear of loss is an excellent motivation of action in humans since we are loss averse.”
This can be implied in two ways. One from the jilted partner and secondly from the jilter. For example, if a girl jilter sees that the guy she jilted is improving and getting better daily, and slowly forgetting about her, that could make her become more curious and jealous, and might decide to return back to him so she doesn’t lose him to another girl.
Same goes for the man. No man wants to be alone watching their partner become better and hookup with another person. We’ll want to do anything to save our relationship.
How the No Contact Rule Should be Applied
According to a research carried out by Chris Seiter, the CEO of Exboyfriendrecovery.com, the no contact rule only worked for about 40% of their clients. Almost all of the success stories were complimentary of the no contact rule, but they didn’t really cite its ability to make an ex miss them as the trinity concept.
Well, it may seem as if we’re diverting attention from the no contact rule but I assure you that we’re getting to it. It might happen that all the details you need is on this detour.
So the trinity according to Chris Seiter, is all about maximizing these areas of your life which includes: health, wealth, and relationships outside of your ex. Individuals who spent their no contact time focused on balancing their lives out, had some pretty incredible results.
This is simply because their focus was in outgrowing the breakup, healing and being self dependent – making themselves responsible for their happiness. This is otherwise called the secure attachment style. A lot of women apply the insecure attachment style which involves them being anxious, avoidant and fearful.
The Bad Sides to that
Now here are the bad sides to such styles. The anxious person is going to have their entire identity wrapped up around relationships. They have low confidence, and their sense of self is basically wrapped up in the relationship.
The avoidant will leave the relationship when they feel like their independence is being assaulted. The fearful person is basically a combination of both the anxious and avoidant.
The person that wants the ex-back is the anxious person, the ex is the avoidant personality. Here, we have the anxious and the avoidant match, which is such a wrong combination. It has been proven that most women who apply the no contact rule will fail it more than once, because they are always anxious.
The no contact rule should be all about getting you to a secure and healthy place, both emotionally and physically. This is what creates an environment for an ex to have feelings for you again.
What You should do During the No Contact Period
Move On with your Life!
Sounds weird right? But hey, hold on for a while. This is exactly what you should be focusing on. Your focus should be 100% on building yourself.
Your focus should not be after what your ex is up to, not on if your ex is dating someone else, or how he can get back with you either. Only then you can create an environment where an ex wants to revisit things with you.
Get off that bed and stop sulking. Start going out more often with friends, of both sexes, meet new people and discover new hobbies.
You could start journalling your new experiences also. Go hiking more often, maintain a healthy eating habit, start taking your physical outlook more seriously and make sure to keep your house clean always. That is a great healing mechanism.
Just focus on being happy. If that’s your focus during the no contact period, then yes, the no contact rule can work if he’s lost feelings for you. In the reverse case, if the no contact rule does not work if he’s lost feelings, you’ll find out that you’ve moved on even without you knowing and you’ll care less about him.
So, will no contact work if he lost feelings? The likelihood of the no-contact rule yielding positive results if he’s lost feelings for you is generally low, at least according to Chris Seiter. However, whether he comes back or not, be intentional about yourself and take charge of your life.