Olajumoke Oyaleke

Complacency In Marriage: What It Is And How To Deal With It


Have you ever heard about complacency in marriage? Oh, you have probably heard of it, but you don’t know what it means, how it happens or how to even prevent it from happening in your marriage. This is why you need to read this article to the end to find out all you need to know about complacency in marriage.

What is complacency in marriage?

For a better understanding of what complacency in marriage is, let’s first consider what the word complacency means.

Complacency is a state of being too comfortable or a state of uncritical comfort or satisfaction with one’s current situation that prevents you from making an effort to get better.

Complacency in marriage is basically a state of being so comfortable and secure that you don’t see the need to make any intentional moves to help the marriage get better. A lot of time, many couples get so comfortable that they don’t see the need to make extra effort to make their marriage better and keep it going.

Couples need to understand that making an effort in a relationship is a continuous process. You don’t have to be so relaxed that you are not even doing anything to spice things up in your marriage. Yes, it’s good that you feel secure and comfortable in your marriage but you shouldn’t stop making extra effort to make your partner feel loved.

Signs of complacency in marriage

1. Showing less interest in each other’s life

One of the signs of complacency in marriage is showing less concern or interest in each other. People get so complacent that they seem not to be interested in things that concern their partner. They no longer ask about their day, how they feel or notice if there is any change in their partner’s mood. When their partner wants to talk to them, either they are not available or they are not paying much attention to what they are saying. This is a sign of complacency in marriage.

2. Not being intentional about dates or spending quality time together

A lot of times, complacency sets in immediately after people get married. Before marriage, people make time for dates and find a way to spend quality time with their partner but this is no longer the case after marriage. There are no more date nights or any fun activities that can make them bond and spend quality time with their partner.

It’s important that you imbibe the culture of going on dates and spending quality time with your partner, even after marriage. It’s very important to make an extra effort once in a while to make your spouse feel special and let them know that you care about them.

3. Making less or no effort about personal looks

Some people might stop paying attention to their looks after marriage. They don’t care about their looks or what they wear any longer. They are no longer intentional about the things they wear or how they appear. This type of act is a sign of complacency in marriage. You should never stop looking good after getting married. Dress well for your spouse; pay attention to your looks. Get good skin care products that can give you a glowing look, wear nice perfumes and smell nice.

4. You get bored being around each other.

One of the ways you will also know that complacency has set in in your marriage is when you no longer enjoy each other’s company. Being around each other is boring. You have nothing interesting to talk about and there is no longer any humor or shared laughter between you and your partner.

You should not find the company of your partner boring; your partner should be the person you can have an open conversation with and gist with. Someone you are eager to share things with and listen to. But this is not the case in some marriages; there is no room for open conversation in most marriages. These days, most couples would rather be on their mobile devices all day; this doesn’t even give them the time to get to know each other and have some interesting conversation.

5. You no longer tell each other ‘I love you’

When was the last time you or your partner said the word ‘ I love you’ to each other? If you have not been saying this to your spouse, it’s an evident sign of complacency in your marriage. You feel it is not important that you say this to your partner because you feel that they already know that you love and care about them?

Yes, they do but it’s important to let them know how important they are sometimes. Tell your spouse you love them. It’s a reminder for them that there is someone who cares about them. Call them sweet names; try to be playful and romantic with your partner. It’s one of the things you need to do to sustain your relationship.

How to deal with complacency in marriage

Since we have identified what complacency in marriage is all about, we know it’s a major problem in marriages. How do we fix these problems?

1. Spend more quality time with your partner

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Making quality time for each other is one of the ways to deal with complacency in marriage. Couples should make time to do fun activities and do things outside of their usual routine. It could be finding time to go on a date with your spouse, or you could make plans for a getaway vacation with your spouse where you can bond and spend more time together. These are ways couples can create pleasant memories together and focus on each other.

2. Compliment them often

Learn how to make your spouse feel loved and appreciated through words. Reminding your partner from time to time how good they look or how nice they smell helps them feel good about themselves and feel appreciated.

3. Explore and try new things together

As a couple, you should be able to try new things with your partner. You do not have to be glued to your phone or your TV all the time. You can find new and interesting hobbies or activities that you and your partner can engage in as a couple. Don’t just be used to routine or doing just one over and over.

4. Learn how to surprise each other and show gratitude

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Showing gratitude and being appreciative in a relationship is important for couples. Let your partner know that you appreciate their effort and everything they do. It is important that you let your partner know that you see all the things they do and that you do not take any of them for granted. You can express your love and appreciation for them by getting them gifts. This helps them know that you care about them and value them.

5. Consider couple counseling

If you are dealing with complacency in your relationship as a couple, you might as well consider couple counseling. You can visit a marriage guidance counselor. They will be able to suggest better ways to deal with complacency in marriage and how to make your marriage work.


Marriage requires a lot of commitment and intentional effort to make things work. As a couple, you need to constantly put in the work to ensure that there is love and happiness in your home. Don’t get so relaxed that you forget and ignore the lovely and romantic things you used to do before marriage. It is your duty to make sure that the romance in your marriage is not extinguished. By following and doing some of the activities that we have recommended in this article, we believe that it will help you overcome complacency in marriage.


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