Mary John

My Wife Has No Desire For Sex What Can I Do?

Love and Marriage, Love and Relationship

Lack of sleep is one of the most common complaints among married people. Sexual intimacy is one of the pillars on which a marriage is founded; therefore, it can be frustrating to have a sexually intimate marriage.

So we have a question: If my wife has no desire for sex what can I do? Before a man would ask this question, it is quite clear that he loves his wife, has been patient, and has tried certain methods that did not work.

My concern is not his love for his wife or what he has done but about the whats and hows. What is the reason for his wife’s lack of desire? How can he help her overcome her lack of desire?

These questions are the reason for this article and if you want to hear my answer, come with me on this journey.

Into the S*xless Marriage World

chermitove, Pixabay

Want to know if you are in a s*xless marriage? Here are some signs to look out for:

  • Dwindling or lack of physical and emotional intimacy
  • Tension between couples over s*x frequency
  • Having s*x less than 10 times in a year or having none.

Identifying The Causes of Low Sexual Desires in Women

What could have caused your wife to have no desire for s*x? The following reasons are responsible for low sexual drive in women:

1. Health issues

S*x is work and a sick wife would not have the energy required to have s*x. She would therefore have no desire for s*x.

If your wife has no desire for s*x, confirm if she is physically ill, even though she doesn’t look like it. Also, if she has an underlying health condition, confirm that it is not a reason for her lack of desire.

Health issues like chronic pain, diabetes, hypertension, heart disease, cancer, endometriosis, obesity, spinal cord injury, and physical disabilities can make a woman lose her desire to have s*x.

2. Hormonal imbalance

When s*x hormones are not being produced in adequate quantities in the body of a female, she will not have a desire for s*x.

3. Mental health issues

Women who are suffering from trauma associated with s*x will not have a desire for s*x. She might try to like s*x for the first phases of the marriage but decline later, especially if she has given birth to a child for the man or feels triggered by s*x.

Women who also suffer from anxiety, PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), and depression might also experience low self-esteem. It is good for you to confirm your wife doesn’t have any of these outlined (and more) mental issues.

4. Side effects from medications

Most women who are on antidepressants will feel less desire for s*x. This is because the drug affects how she feels, which in turn can affect her libido. If your wife is on medication, check for the side effects of the drug to know if this is a cause of lack of desire.

5. Stress

Activities that cause stress and tiredness can reduce your wife’s desire for s*x. Work stress, taking care of kids, cleaning, house chores, and other activities around the home can make her so tired that she doesn’t desire s*x anymore.

6. Poor communication

When you and your wife do not communicate properly about your s*x needs or things related to them, it can cause your wife to have no desire for s*x. Is it painful for her?

Are you hard on her? Are there things you are not doing to make the experience pleasurable? These are questions you have to answer and the answer can only be gotten through communication.

7. Boredom

How exciting is your s*x life? Are you doing the same styles as you have for the past 5 years? Do you resist new methods? Has the s*x tone become too lax and familiar? Women like exciting things so if the s*x remains the same over a long period, she will have no desire for it.

Now that you know why your wife has no desire for s*x, what can you do about it? Here’s what you can do!

My wife has no desire for sex What can I do?

1. Proper communication

The first answer to the question “My wife has no desire for sex what can I do?” is communication.

Communication will greatly improve your life. You should be able to tell your wife what you want from her in s*x and have her tell you what she wants from you in s*x too.

Talk about your likes and dislikes; talk about erectile dysfunction problems, delayed orgasms, or pains she experiences during sex.

Try to understand her when she talks about the reasons she doesn’t want to have s*x. Show empathy for her situation. When you talk to her, ensure there is eye contact. Sit face-to-face and make sure you have her undivided attention.

2. Resolve problems of emotional disconnect

Men are often told that it takes a lot to get a woman in the mood for s*x but most of them either don’t believe it or think it’s exaggerated.

Rebuilding your emotional connection with your wife will help you. Ask her about her day, her job, her co-workers, and the random things that happened that day.

Make small talk over food, putting the kids to bed, laundry, and house chores. Send her sweet messages throughout the day, telling her how much you love her and miss her. Be kind to her.

Flirt with her; tell her all the things you’d want to do with her if you had the opportunity. Appeal to her sense of imagination, paint beautiful pictures of your union in her mind, and see if she wouldn’t desire s*x with you.

You need to realize that emotional disconnection will always hamper physical intimacy. Why would your wife want to have sex with you when she doesn’t feel close to you?

3. Spice things up

It’s time to try something new—a new place, position, or location. Try out new styles and add a twist to the ones you already perform. Make it spontaneous.

Get curious about each other’s bodies, as long as there is no harm involved. Be creative, think of something fun, and explore together. Keep her on her toes with surprises and suspense. She will never not desire s*x.

OlcayErtem, Pixabay

4. Get her in the mood

You know your wife better than anyone else. You know what makes her tick, and you know what makes her happy. Do you know what will make her curl her legs in glee? Could you do it?

Engage in physical touch, massaging, cuddling, kissing, and caressing. Take your time to love up on her body. Plan a surprise—things that will make her feel loved, cherished, and excited to spend more time with you.

Take her out on random dates, spa time, or a getaway trip where you both get to reconnect again. Make your bedroom moments spontaneous.

5. Give her space when she requires it

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder”, they say. Give your wife a little space. If you’ve been badgering her for s*x every other day, give her some space. You mustn’t act clingy.

That’s not a trait a woman wants to observe in her man. It makes you look weak to her. Allow yourselves to miss each other and when you reunite again, it will be so exciting.

6. Schedule s*x

Sometimes the problem is resolved with something simple, such as creating a schedule for s*x. It may seem somehow for you, but if you do it and infuse those scheduled moments with fun, creativity, and surprise, you will find yourself anticipating it much more and have a happy wife as well.

Scheduling also helps to keep you organized, especially if you both are very busy individuals. It gives you something sweet to look forward to despite the day’s craziness.

7. Address unresolved health or mental issues

If her health is a major source of concern concerning S*X, address it. Ensure she has the best medical care for her problems. If she is scared, go with her to appointments and be a good support system. If it is an issue of mental health, take her to and from sessions, attend with her if possible, and be there for her.

8. Alter Medications

Talk together about side effects from medications and refer to your doctors too. See if there is an alternative or if the dosage of the drugs can be altered. Work out every health issue together and be understanding about it as well.

9. Be affectionate

Affection is one way to build intimacy. You could help your wife reconnect to s*x again by using non-penetrative s*x, especially if her lack of desire is due to a traumatic experience.

This consideration can be proof of your love for her; it could help her understand that you did not just marry her because of s*x and that you can wait for her to recover.

Some examples of non-penetrative s*x include: touching and caressing each other’s bodies; massage; oral s*x; kissing; nipple stimulation; and others. It also helps to build trust, improve communication, give you both a better understanding of each other and eventually build sexual intimacy.

10. Talk about your fantasies

Talk about any unexplored wishes or fantasies you both have. It will help to draw you both together. However, you don’t have to act out those desires

11. S*x therapy

When all else fails, try therapy. Speak with a certified marriage counselor or s*x therapist. Talk about the problem, the methods you’ve tried, and the results you’ve gotten so far.

Attending therapy together can help guide you on how to improve your life together.

If you followed this article closely, you would have noticed that communication is the underlying theme in this discourse.

That is to say, effective communication is a deal-breaker between women and the desire for s*x. All the problems can be resolved if there is proper communication and mutual understanding.


In this article, I have addressed the question: If my wife has no desire for sex what can I do? I’ve discussed the causes of sexlessness in marriage and given practical steps on what to do.

If you follow these steps, you will find yourself enjoying s*x with your wife again. It might take time but it will happen.

However, I want to emphasize that seeking s*x outside because your wife has no desire for s*x is not a solution. It will only create more problems. Do the right thing for yourself and your wife. Rooting for you!

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