There’s something thrilling about the talking stage. The late-night texts, the “thinking about you” messages, the good morning check-ins that make you feel seen. Especially if you’ve been out of the dating game for a while or you’re fresh off a breakup, attention in any form can feel like sunshine after a long, cold winter.
But here’s the thing nobody tells you enough: not every charming text is a green light. Some of the most dangerous red flags come wrapped in flattery. And if you’re not paying attention, you can mistake control for care, obsession for affection, or manipulation for “passion.”
Let’s unpack some common talking-stage behaviors that feel flattering at first glance but actually hint at deeper problems.
1. They want to spend every waking moment with you right away
At first, it’s intoxicating. They’re texting you all day, asking what you’re up to, when you’ll be free again, and maybe even suggesting hanging out multiple days in a row. It feels like you’re the center of their universe.
But take a beat. Healthy interest respects space. When someone wants all your time immediately—before trust or connection have had time to form. That is not romance. It’s usually a sign of emotional immaturity or control.
We know from research on attachment styles that people with anxious or avoidant tendencies often swing toward intensity to soothe their inner chaos. They mistake proximity for security. And in the early stages of something new, that rush can override your better judgment.
Watch out if they are genuinely interested in getting to know you, or are they rushing to fill a void.
2. They say you’re “not like anyone else” before they really know you
It sounds sweet, right? “You’re different.” “I’ve never connected with someone like this before.” “I can just tell, you’re special.”
But think about the timeline. If someone is saying this within a few days or even hours of chatting… how could they possibly know?
This kind of early idealization can feel amazing if your self-esteem has taken hits. It plays on the human need to feel chosen and unique. But when the pedestal goes up quickly, it tends to come crashing down just as fast.
In psychology, we call this “love bombing.” It occurs when someone uses exaggerated attention and affection to draw you in. Often, it’s not about you at all. It’s about their own need for connection, or worse, a tool to manipulate and gain control.
You have to double-check yourself to know if they are reflecting who you really are, or is it all about who they want you to be?
3. They’re super jealous or territorial and frame it as “just caring”
Maybe they ask who you’re texting. Or get weird when you mention an ex. Or say something like, “I just really care about you, and it makes me nervous.”
Here’s the trap: They frame possessiveness as protectiveness. But those two aren’t the same thing.
Someone who genuinely cares about you in the talking stage won’t try to manage your friendships, your schedule, or your autonomy. Jealousy can be a natural feeling, but what matters is how it’s handled. A potential partner should own their insecurities, not make them your responsibility.
A subtle example: They joke, “I bet you’ve got other people you’re talking to,” but there’s tension behind the smile.
Over time, those little comments can become subtle guilt trips. And before you know it, you’re shrinking yourself to avoid triggering their anxiety.
4. They say “I love you” too soon and expect you to say it back
There’s no stopwatch for when people should fall in love. But if someone’s dropping the L-word before they’ve seen you on a bad day, met your friends, or had a real disagreement with you, it’s usually not love. It’s infatuation.
Even worse? If they say it and then look at you expectantly, waiting for you to mirror their intensity, that’s a huge pressure tactic. You’re not being given time to develop your own feelings. You’re being coaxed into performing theirs.
And if you don’t reciprocate, you may see a sharp emotional reaction: withdrawal, coldness, or sudden mood swings. That’s not romance. That’s emotional coercion.
5. They want “deep vulnerability” right away
Vulnerability is a beautiful part of intimacy. But in healthy relationships, it’s something that grows gradually, through mutual trust.
If someone starts oversharing quickly—trauma dumps on the second date, tells you their deepest childhood wounds via text—and then expects you to do the same, it’s not intimacy. It’s intensity masquerading as closeness.
Sometimes this tactic is used (often unconsciously) to fast-track emotional bonding. It can feel like a shortcut to trust. But vulnerability without foundation isn’t a gift. It’s a setup.
When the connection is real, you don’t need to spill your whole heart right away to prove you’re invested.
Next time you are pressured to divulge those deep vulnerabilities in the talking stage, look inwards and check if you feel safe and ready to share this, or am I trying to keep up with their emotional pace?
6. They say things like, “You’re the only one who gets me.”
This line is often romanticized in movies and books. But in real life, it can signal emotional dependency.
Of course, it’s lovely to feel deeply understood. But if someone insists you’re the only one they can talk to, lean on, or trust, it puts an unhealthy amount of pressure on you to be their savior.
You become their emotional lifeline. That might feel special for a while, but it’s not sustainable. And it’s not fair.
Emotionally healthy people have multiple support systems: friends, family, therapy, hobbies. You shouldn’t be their entire ecosystem.
7. They guilt you for needing space
Early on, you set a boundary. Maybe you’re not ready to talk every night, or you want a quiet weekend. And suddenly, they’re hurt.
“I just miss you so much.”
“I guess I care more than you do.”
“Wow, I didn’t realize I was being a burden.”
This one is tricky because it sounds like vulnerability. But it’s actually emotional manipulation. You’re being made to feel guilty for asserting a basic need.
The message behind those words? “If you loved me, you’d put your needs aside for mine.”
Real love honors boundaries. It doesn’t punish them.
8. They have a “soulmate” narrative way too early
“We were meant to meet.”
“I’ve never believed in fate until now.”
“It’s like the universe brought us together.”
Look, I’m not here to bash romantic hope. Some connections really do feel uncanny. But when someone starts weaving a grand narrative around your bond before you’ve even had a real argument, it’s a red flag with glitter on it.
The soulmate story can be seductive because it bypasses logic. If it’s fate, why question it? Why slow down? Why set boundaries?
But good relationships aren’t built on destiny. They’re built on daily choices. On earned trust. The danger in the soulmate narrative is that it makes you feel like you’re betraying some cosmic plan just by asking for space or questioning the pace.
Final Thoughts
When it comes to red flags in the talking stage, the biggest danger isn’t malice. It’s speed. The rush. The false sense of intimacy that hasn’t had time to grow roots.
Real connection is patient. It respects your pace. It builds safety without urgency, warmth without pressure, closeness without collapse.
So if you find yourself swept off your feet, pause. Breathe. Ask: Is this love, or just the illusion of it?
Flattery can be beautiful. But when it asks you to abandon your boundaries, your pace, or your gut instincts, it’s not love. It’s a trap with a pretty bow.
And you? You deserve better than that.
